Squashed Dreams.

At one point in my life, I wanted to be an attorney. Okay, for most all of my life - from age 7 until about 20 - I wanted to be an attorney. So, what did I do? I got a job an a law office at 18, and my dreams were shot to hell. Was it the long hours the attorney's worked that turned me off? No. Was it the endless amounts of telephone calls, letters, and court appearances? Well, sort of - but No. It was the attorneys, themselves. From the second I was comfortable enough to talk to the attorneys about my goal of becoming a law student, I was discouraged.

Me: So I was thinking about applying to law school next year.
Attorney: OH MY GOD, NO! Do anything but that! Why would you want to do that to yourself?! Become a doctor, a nurse, a stripper. Anything, but an attorney.
Me: *Solemnly stare while dreams are squashed.* Is it really that bad?
Attorney: That bad, and worse.

No lie, that has been the rough basis of every single conversation I have EVER had with an attorney about me going to law school.

While I accept this advice and mostly agree with the assumption that I would rather have an actual life, and family than be an attorney, I can't help but feel a little bitter about their outright discouragement. Sure, they know better than me. They've' been through it, and know what it's like to not be there for your family, or have so much pressure you can't stand it....I get it.

My parents were extremely upset with their audacity, especially when I was younger. They couldn't believe that someone would actually say that. The attorneys weren't telling me that I couldn't make it through school, or that I wasn't smart enough - they were simply trying to "save me the pain of realizing I would hate it after spending $100,000 on school."

Being in the legal field for 5 years has shown me that, no, law school is not for me. Being an attorney is not for me, but I needed to learn that for myself. I know that my attorney friends were just trying to do me a favor, but honestly I didn't totally make the decision until I saw just how much it's NOT my personality to be one.

So I'm over that. Decision is 80% made that I will not go to law school and now we have this:

When or if I'm ready to have children. I am of the opinion that that plan is 150% completely up to my husband and I. ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY PERCENT. But if I mention in passing, "awww what a cute baby, I can't wait to have one of my own." A pack of wolves surround me like I'm a dead rabbit.

"You're not ready!" "Oh my gosh, you're too young!" "You need two years of marriage before you try to have a baby!" "You haven't lived yet!"

It goes on and on and on. I understand that you have children and you've been there, and I GET IT - they throw up, cry at the most inopportune moments, and take up all of your time - but your decision and opinion can not and will not effect my decision.

I'm not ready at this very second, but I'm going to be one day - and what are these people going to say to me then? Congratulations, you've ruined your life? No, they'll act like they never said it was a bad thing, and just ogle over my adorably cute baby and want to hold it, and love it.

What I'm trying to say is - always watch what you say to people. What did or did not work for you, doesn't always work for someone else. It's unfair to pass judgment on people just because you don't think law school, young marriage, or having a child is a good idea.

Who knows, you could be the reason that someone doesn't follow their dreams and their life is forever changed. Solid advice and passing judgment are two very different things, and I hope to take my own advice and be very careful when I make suggestions to my friends. You never know just how deep words can cut.