This past weekend at a girls night out, the topic of living together before (or after) you're married came up. One girl went far left and said her parents told her to live with a man before she married him, and the next one followed it by saying that her parents told her they would not have any part of her wedding if she lived with her fiance before hand.
These are two extremes, and I understand the pros and cons of each side. Nate and I did not live together before we were married, but I've met plenty of people who do, and I don't think they are bad people by any means. So the following observations are obviously biased as I have only done it one way - but I promise I do not judge either way.
Living together before hand allows the "test run." If you're just dating and live with the person and realize that you absolutely can not stand their drinking out of the milk carton habit or the fact that their side of the sink has mold- you have an out. You can break up, move out and move on. Bad thing (maybe not bad, but more of a let down) is that well, you've already lived together. I have met more than a few girls who live with their beau, and just can't get them to commit to marriage because "they don't see why being married makes a difference." 95% of girls dream of their wedding loooong before it's even a reality, and being hindered by the fact that your man doesn't think it changes anything makes me want to blame the shackin' up. Perhaps only living together after you've got the rock and set the date is the way to go!
Waiting until you're married - it's all new. It's exciting and hopefully you love it! Because if you don't - uh oh annulment please?! Marriage comes with a no money back guarantee, and an expensive fee when breaking the contract. Thankfully, I love living with Nate, but I can totally see the draw of "knowing" what it's like to live together before committing - especially if divorce is not an option (by choice) in your marriage.
These days are the most liberal I think we've ever seen. Thirty years ago, I'm not so sure that living together was accepted. In fact, I'm sure those that did were looked down on from the high pedestals their peers stood on. I'm always interested to know what others think. Should you? Should you not? What do you guys think?
4 comments:
I used to tell myself that I would never live with someone until we were married because that was what was seen as "the right thing." But I grew up, fell in love young, and ended up living with Bryan right after we got engaged.
We didn't have the money to have a wedding yet & we couldn't wait any longer to live together, so it just worked out that way.
I think most people do it because it just works out easier that way. I don't have a problem with it, obviously. I just think that each person should know how committed the other person wants to be before they jump into it.
I think the idea of getting engaged and then living with each other might work out fairly well, at least I hope! lol! :)
I think it would have been interesting to see how our marriage would be if we had never lived together beforehand. But, on that same note, I wouldn't have Everett if that were the case.
We moved in together because it was kind of a neccessity, and I think that it ultimately saved our relationship.
I'm sure thats not the case for everyone, but then again, Nate and I did kinda go backwards and very fast with our relationship!
I think whatever works for the couple. I personally would like to wait to live together after the wedding, but on the other hand, I think its a great thing to see how the other person lives.
Curtis and I did a trial run last fall for month. I have to say it was the hardest thing i had to do. We both have been living on our own for 5 years and we both had to adjust to each other. I love having my space and I am a clean freak. He is messy and has habits I cant stand. I became a NAG, which I hate and I refuse to be one for the rest of my life.
When i moved back to my house, it was so nice to be on my own. Even though he says he enjoyed every moment of me living with him, I can't say the same. IDont get me wrong, it was nice coming home to him and there were good moments.
I know his habits now, and he will have to change before it is permanent or i will have to be more laid back. Not sure which will happen first.
So I say to each his own.
Lisa E
We lived together before we got married. But I wouldn't have agreed to that if I hadn't known we were getting engaged - and we were engaged about a month after I moved in with Jay. It worked out great for us, living together for a year before the wedding. We learned a lot and by the time we got married, we were in a nice routine.
I think it's fine to live together before marriage, even if not engaged. But it should be taken seriously - i.e. I don't think people should shack up every time they fall in love.
I don't judge, either - but I do think that a lot of bad marriages could have been avoided by people taking that test run.
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